


Enough

by marissalyn14



Series: Holiday Hollstein [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hollstein - Freeform, LaFerry - Freeform, Zeta Society - Freeform, alcohol is involved, boozy festivities, twenty years later au, xmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 20:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5511758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marissalyn14/pseuds/marissalyn14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura runs into Carmilla twenty years after they broke up. The circumstances aren't all that pretty but it's Christmas Eve and don't they deserve better than what they have?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> So I started a job a month ago and haven't really been writing. Between school and work I haven't all that much time to sleep let alone work on my stories. I apologize for that, but with the month of December comes a hollstein holiday au. Sorry that this years is a lot more depressing then last years lol, but let me know what you think! I was really excited about this one you guys and I hope you liked it just as much as I did :D
> 
> You can find me here: thisismyhalfroomcutie.tumblr.com

”I took my feet  
To Oxford Street,  
Trying to right a wrong  
‘Just walk away,’ those windows say, but I can’t believe she’s gone.

When you’re still waiting for the snow to fall  
It doesn’t really feel like Christmas at all.”  
-‘Christmas Lights’ by Coldplay

Twenty Years Ago

Laura always took awhile to answer her door. You thought about using your key but figured it would be a bit inappropriate. It had been six months. A lot could happen in six months.

“Carm?”

So you may have still been on Paris time and weren’t thinking about how early it actually was. 

“Laura? Who’s at the door?” A tired voice called out from behind it.

“You told me to come see you when I got back.” You said. 

Laura nodded as she took in your airplane clothes and suitcase. “It’s three in the morning.” She said slowly.

“Laura-“ The anonymous voice was now closer and far more familiar as the door was opened further to reveal Danny Lawrence. 

Danny Lawrence- Laura’s AP English 101 TA from freshman year, Laura’s best friend- Danny Lawrence. 

You felt your heart plummet into the acid in your stomach as you took in their state of sleep clothes and Danny’s hand on the small of Laura’s back. You tried not to let the rush of anger get to you. Laura wasn’t your girlfriend anymore. You were on a break. She had every right to share a bed with whomever she wanted, including her best friend who never liked you in the first place.

“Carmilla, hey.” Danny said looking you up and down. She clearly wasn’t happy to see you and from the looks of it neither was Laura. 

You ignored Danny completely and looked back to Laura instead. What were you doing here? Clearly you had missed your chance. You were entirely too selfish to deserve her. You left, you asked for the break- you didn’t get to just come here and be accepted back into the home you chose to leave vacant. 

“I should just go.” You said jutting your thumb over your shoulder towards the empty street. Your taxi was gone but it wasn’t too far from LaFontaine and Perry’s place. You could walk. 

“No wait, Carm.” Laura said turning to Danny. “Can you give us a minute?” 

Danny looked between the two of you and nodded slowly, “Yeah take your time,” She pressed a kiss to Laura’s hair, “I’m going back to bed.”

Laura nodded as her face turned red from the sign of affection before shutting the front door behind Danny’s receding back. She looked to you and sucked in a breath, “Hey.”

“Hey.” You could feel the bile in the back of your throat threatening to splash onto the concrete step between you. You didn’t know what you were doing here. You had made a mistake. You should have called. “I should have called.” You said scratching the back of your neck awkwardly. “I should’ve waited till a decent hour to tell you I was back.” 

Laura nodded, “Yeah, but it’s too late now.”

Again. That flare up of anger that always caused the two of you to fight and the jealously that soon followed after. That should have been you that kissed Laura’s head. That should’ve been you that got to say you were going back to her bed. 

“You were gone.” Laura said.

You looked up from where you were glaring at your feet. “What?”

“You left for Europe and were gone for six months.” Laura repeated. “Was I supposed to wait for you?” 

You opened your mouth to answer before closing it again. You slept with no one else. You talked to no one else. You tried too, like hell did you try and erase Laura from every corner of your mind. Burn her touch from your skin; scrub her fingerprints from your body with the alcohol you poured down your throat and into your veins. But none of them were Laura. None of them could be her. 

“We were broken up Carm,” Laura started again, “and Danny was there when you weren’t.” 

The fight you had before you left was still vivid in your memory. The bite in your tone still echoed in both of your ears. You wanted to go to Europe and Laura wanted to stay and keep the internship she had with the local news station. You had been selfish and didn’t deserve her. You broke it off with her because you wanted to discover a part of yourself you had thought you would never find, but you went to Europe and found nothing and Laura stayed in Toronto and found someone else. 

You didn’t know what to say. Everything you wanted to say would be a lie. You weren’t sorry. You weren’t going to apologize for trying to do what you thought was right at the time. 

“I don’t know what else you want me to say, Carmilla.” Laura said with a sigh. Looking around the street behind you she tried again. “I know I couldn’t have been the only one to stray.”

You shook your head quickly, “No. Never.”

Laura frowned. “Well I’m not going to apologize because I did.” 

“I’m not telling you to.” You said licking your lips. “I just thought-“

“Thought what Carm?” Laura interrupted, “Did you honestly think that you’d come home and come over here and expect me to welcome you back with open arms and forgive you and everything would be okay?”

“I’ve changed.” You said with your hands balling up into fists at your sides. “I’ve tried to change for you.”

“But clearly you haven’t.” Laura said. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be standing on my doorstep at three in the morning and expecting me to be happy to see you.”

“I love you.” You said, unsure of anything else.

“That’s not good enough Carm.” Laura said, “It never was.”

You stood still, afraid to move and break whatever it was that was currently happening. You wished you could fix this, but it was already too late. Laura didn’t want you anymore. “I’m sorry Laura.” 

Laura shook her head moving back to open the door. “Now you and I both know that isn’t true.” She moved back into her apartment and turned to face you, “Goodbye Carm, please don’t call or text me. It’s hard enough to do this.” Then she was shutting the door and in turn shutting you out too.

You swallowed the sadness that was growing heavy in your chest and shook your head, quickly swiping at the tears in the corners of your eyes. Grabbing your bag you turned to leave and with the last bit of rage that swept through you, threw it down the street and hoped that the Doctor Who mug you got Laura broke inside.

Present Day

“Yes LaF I have it on the list.” Laura said as she walked along the street, waving to the Santa Clause outside of the grocery store and dropping a couple dollars in the red bucket at his feet.

“Well I just want to make sure you don’t forget the eggnog dude.” LaFontaine said on the other end of the call. “It’s not a holiday party without the appropriate festive beverage.”

Laura rolled her eyes as she grabbed a basket by the door and headed towards the dairy aisle to grab milk, eggs, and heavy cream. “Whatever you say LaF, now go check on Perry. Make sure she isn’t on her feet while making cookies.”

“You’re right. I’ll see you tonight L.”

“Bye.” Laura hung up the phone and stuffed it into her pocket before grabbing out a milk and cream to put in her basket. Sighing lightly to herself she tried not to think about how she was in her early forties and alone. Perry was pregnant with her and LaF’s third kid and Danny and Kirsch recently just welcomed a fifth kid into their own family. It wasn’t like she wanted to have their lives or anything, but sometimes she thinks about how she maybe shouldn’t have buried herself in her work when she was younger. Now she was creeping into spinster territory and she couldn’t blame anyone but herself. 

And then there were the times where she thought of _that_ night. 

Her and Danny broke up around three years after that when Danny proposed to her and Laura decided that it wasn’t what she wanted after all. They were drifting apart for a while and Laura was never home or Danny was never home and it just became two different lives they were living with no room left for each other. 

Danny started working at a local high school where she realized Kirsch was a gym teacher and things sort of struck and now they were married and had a tiny army of their own DNA. 

LaF and Perry got married a year after they graduated from college and had their first kid which turned out to be twins about five years after that. Now Perry was pregnant again a little later in the game with a little girl and LaF was beginning to panic on how to raise a girl after raising two boys into their early teen years. 

Laura though was now chief editor of the journalist branch of the news station and when she wasn’t working she was watching movies at home with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. It wasn’t like she entirely regretted her past decisions, but she wished she at least had someone to come home to, and her landlord wouldn’t allow any pets. 

Laura tried to date too, but whenever she made it out to a bar the women just weren’t all too interested because they were younger or had their eye on someone already. 

From what Laura knew about Carmilla, after their official breakup when she returned back from Europe, she moved away. Somewhere back over in Europe actually and Laura hadn’t heard from her since. Not that she wanted to, but it would be nice to know if she had finally found what she couldn’t find when she knew her. 

She figured if she was going to have to sit through a night of happy couples and families the least she deserved was a tin of cookies. Heading over to the sweets aisle though she really wished she had stopped at the corner store to get them instead. 

She could be hallucinating, that seemed like a far more likely occurrence than what she was currently staring at. The fear and immediate relief bubbled up into her throat as she fought the urge to leave. She really should leave. 

“Laura?”

Now it was too late. If she ran now then Carmilla would know why. “Carm, hey.”

Carmilla visibly flinched at the nickname. 

“What are you doing here?” Laura asked. 

“Well it is the local food market, cupcake.” Carmilla said defensively.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Laura tried to remind herself that seeing the ex love of her life after twenty years wasn’t a reason to have a breakdown in the middle of a grocery store.

“I’ve been gone.” Carmilla said, “It’s okay.”

Laura nodded, “I was wondering how you’ve been doing. You left right after-“ She stopped talking when she realized what she was about to say.

“Right after we broke up, yeah.” Carmilla said while reaching up to rub the back of her neck. “I know.”

“So how’ve you been?” Laura asked.

Carmilla looked up at her, “You mean why am I back?” She chuckled, “Well it’s certainly not because I wanted to.”

Laura raised a brow, “Then why _are_ you here?”

Carmilla frowned, her gaze lowering to her feet as she sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth. “My mother died last week.” Looking up at Laura again was like the biggest bucket of ice water being dumped down her back. “She wanted me to sort out the funeral and all of her amenities and so here I am.” 

Laura felt something in her chest break for the woman in front of her. Back when they were together Lilita Morgan had never liked her, but she had meant something to Carmilla even if the girl tried to run away from her the majority of her adult years. “I’m so sorry, Carm.” Laura said without any idea of how to even sound more sincere than she was already being. She couldn’t even imagine the day she would lose her father. 

Carmilla shrugged, “It happens, circle of life and all that.” She looked at Laura’s basket and then at the shelves alongside them. “I don’t want to keep you, better get the few things I was here for anyways. My mother believe it or not has a lot of specific wishes for the wake.”

Laura felt like she should ask when it was so she could go, but something about the question just seemed wrong. Maybe she shouldn’t go; after all it was already going to be hard enough for Carmilla without her there to plague her mind with even more dread. Carmilla had always hated pity and the people that came with that particular emotion. “It was nice to see you, Carmilla.” She said instead. 

Carmilla’s eyes softened as she tipped her head in acknowledgment. “It was nice to see you too, Laura.”

xXx

“Oh good you’re here, Perry was starting to worry.” LaFontaine said when they saw Laura on their front door step. “Everyone else is pretty much here already. Come on, I’ll show you where I’m making the ‘nog.”

Laura slipped out of her coat and hung it in the hallway closet before following LaF back into the kitchen with her grocery bags. “You’ll never believe who I saw in the store today.” She said. She had to tell someone about Carmilla, if not she thinks she would resort to calling herself crazy and exploding. 

“Would the person’s initials happen to be C.K.?” LaF asked as they fixed the Santa hat on their head. 

Laura raised a brow, “You knew she was back and didn’t tell me?”

“Well it’s not like it was a dirty secret or anything.” A voice said from the doorway, “They were my friend too you know.” 

Laura spun around to face her, “You’re here.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes as she took a sip from the glass in her hand, “My mother died cupcake, not my social skills.” Then she looked over Laura’s shoulder at LaF, “Are you actually making eggnog? Cause this bottled shit Kirsch brought is awful.”

“Yeah, making it right now.” LaF said ignoring the tension between the two others in the kitchen. “You brought the booze right?”

Carmilla smirked, “You can always count on me for that.”

“I’m going to go find Perry.” Laura told LaF before leaving the room. She couldn’t believe LaF knew about Carmilla and didn’t tell her. Not that they knew she was going to bump into her at the store, but they had invited Carmilla to the party so they knew she was going to see her. All Laura had wished for was a heads up. 

“Laura, hey.” Danny called out from her spot on the couch next to Kirsch where they were talking to Perry. 

Laura walked over to them and seated herself beside Perry. “Hey.”

“How’ve you been dude, we haven’t seen you in awhile.” Kirsch greeted her.

Laura nodded. She hadn’t seen them because their schedules never lined up. She was either working or they were busy at home with their kids. She couldn’t help but be a bit annoyed by it though.

“I’ve been good.” Laura said before looking to Danny. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Danny’s brows furrowed with worry as she nodded, “Yeah, sure.” 

Laura walked back into the hallway towards the bedrooms and waited for Danny to follow. She had been her best friend before anything else and she really needed that right now. 

“I’m guessing you ran into Karnstein already.” Danny said when she appeared in the hallway.

Laura nodded, “I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean? You don’t have to do anything. She’s here because her mom died, not to win you back- though she always had a perfectly solid record for ulterior motives.” 

Laura rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. “She looks more beautiful than I remember.” 

Danny smiled apologetically, “Well it’s her- of course she does.”

Laura chuckled, “She always was gorgeous wasn’t she?”

Danny nodded reluctantly, “Unfairly so.” A beat later she continued, resting a hand on Laura’s shoulder, “You’ll know what to do. Just get a drink and enjoy yourself, god knows you deserve it.”

Laura nodded as Danny smiled at her and walked back out into the living room before letting out a heavy breath and making her way back into the kitchen, hoping Carmilla had found a different room where she could occupy her time. But just like how the rest of her luck seemed to work for her she ran into Carmilla in the doorway. 

“Sorry-“

“I was just-“

They both stopped speaking at the same time to realize what was above them in the doorway.

Laura felt every muscle in her body tense. Should they just pretend they weren’t standing under mistletoe? Would Carmilla even want to humor the idea of following along with such a silly and stupid old tradition? Did she even want to kiss Carmilla? Should _she_ even want to kiss her?

Carmilla swallowed afraid to look away from Laura and break the moment that they were having. She knew what she wanted, she had known what she wanted since the day Laura shut her door in her face all those years ago. She was ready for this, whatever _this_ was. That is if Laura wanted it too. 

Laura bit her lip as she noticed Carmilla shuffle on her feet and move closer. What was she going to do? She couldn’t just kiss Carmilla in the middle of LaF and Perry’s kitchen. What if someone came in and saw them? What if Carmilla was really just trying to get around her and leave the room and didn’t want to kiss her at all? 

“Just tell me to stop and I’ll stop.” Carmilla said as she moved even closer and moved her hand up to cup the back of Laura’s neck.

“It’s tradition right?” Laura asked her eyes flicking back and forth between Carmilla’s eyes and lips. “We can’t disappoint the tradition gods and all that.”

Carmilla fought a smile, forgetting entirely how dumb Laura once was about her rambling. “Right, the tradition gods.” She could barely breath as she leaned even closer, their lips a breath apart. Beginning to close her eyes, she thanked who ever it was that decided she deserved a second chance at whatever this was. Maybe it was just because it was tradition and they were both standing beneath mistletoe, but the look in Laura’s eyes told her something different. This was real. In this moment it was just the two of them with their silent apologies and hearts with a connected string that was never clipped to begin with.

“I’ll be right there Perr, just refilling the eggnog!” LaF said as they nearly knocked right into Laura and Carmilla in the doorway. 

The two of them snapped back from each other, both smacking their hips into opposing countertops. 

LaF looked between the two of them, a ghost of a smirk on their lips before walking past them and over to the fridge where they had stored the remainder of the boozy festivity. “Want some Laura?” LaF asked with their back facing them. 

Laura cleared her throat, her eyes never leaving Carmilla’s face. “No thanks, LaF.” 

“Karnstein?” 

Carmilla didn’t speak for moment as the cogs in her head started to turn and her stomach began to churn. “I’m good LaF, I actually think I’m just going to go. Early day tomorrow at the morgue and all that.”

Laura sent her a confused look as Carmilla shrugged and left the room. This had been a mistake. She was starting to get really good at making them. Laura was better off without her mess infiltrating her organization. 

LaF turned around and set the eggnog on the island, turning to look at Laura knowingly. “Is she worth it?”

Laura looked at them and sighed, “Worth what?” She was tired and this whole day had just been exhausting and she really just wanted to go to bed and sleep. 

“All of the pain.” LaF said as they stirred the drink. “All of the waiting and nerves.” They stopped to look her in the eye, “Enough to still be in love with her?”

Laura rolled her eyes and fought back the tears that were on the verge of spilling over. “She’s always been worth it.” She moved closer and held out a cup for LaF to fill. “I’ve just been entirely too dumb to see it.”

xXx

Carmilla unlocked her front door and set her keys in the bowl by the coat rack. Moving towards the kitchen she sat down at the table and started rifling through the mail, sighing at all of the bills and the list of her mother’s wishes beside them. Looking up her eyes narrowed in on the damn Dr. Who mug on the shelf above the sink and scoffed. The fucking thing was indestructible.

Standing up she moved over to the fridge before realizing she was out of alcohol and shut it. Grabbing her keys she decided tonight was not a night she wanted to remember. The first step in making that happen was a trip to the liquor store.

xXx

Laura took in a lungful of the ice-cold air before letting it out slowly through her teeth. The streets were close to empty and it was late. She couldn’t wait to get inside and put on her pajamas and forget that this night ever happened.

As she reached her front step she could tell that someone was occupying it though. Reaching into her pocket and gripping her mace she moved closer to try and make out if it was her neighbor or someone else she might know before doing anything drastic. 

“Carm?”

The figure on the stairs shifted so that her face was visible. Her eyes were glassy and her mouth chapped from the frigid wind. Beside her on the step a half empty bottle of Jameson sat. 

Laura let go of her mace and moved closer to where Carmilla sat, clearly propping herself up by the front door against her back. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”

“Wanted to see you.” Carmilla slurred, standing slowly to her feet like a baby deer learning how to walk for the first time. “I-“ she hiccupped, “I wasn’t done talking to you.”

Laura crossed her arms over her chest, “It sure seemed like you were done. You left.”

“Before it could happen again.”

Laura raised a brow, “Before what could happen?”

“You to tell me I was a mistake.” Carmilla sniffled wiping her nose on the sleeve of her coat. She looked so small in that moment. It physically hurt Laura to watch her stand here on her doorstep with nothing but her heart in her hands, willing to give it up like she always had been. 

Laura sighed as she held out her keys for Carmilla to see. “Come inside, I’ll make some hot chocolate.”

Carmilla smiled dumbly as she wavered on her feet. “I think I would like that very much.” She said and even in her drunken state she still managed to sound like the roommate Laura had fallen in love with over two decades ago. She moved closer to put a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder and picked up the whiskey before either of them could knock it over. “Come on.” She said before unlocking the door and guiding Carmilla inside.

She left her on the couch while she made two cups of hot chocolate in the kitchen. Bringing them out she kept a close eye on Carmilla who looked like she might have fallen asleep sitting up, but when she moved to stand in front of her she opened her eyes and looked up at Laura with a look that left Laura’s stomach in knots by her feet. 

“Here,” Laura handed her the mug before sitting down in the chair next to the couch. “Extra marshmallows just how you like it.”

Carmilla nodded slowly as she swallowed the lump in throat as she fought really hard to keep her head balanced on her shoulders. “Thanks.”

Laura nodded as she took a sip from her own mug. She didn’t know what to say and Carmilla was drunk. She wasn’t sure if it was really worth getting into right now.

“I’m sorry for leaving.” 

“It’s fine, I didn’t really know what to expect when LaF came into the room.” Laura said.

Carmilla shook her head, “No, I’m talking about when I left for Europe after graduation.”

Laura frowned. She remembered that day all too much. They had argued for an entire week before Carmilla finally asked for a break and took a plane to France. Graduation had only been the day before and by the next night everything Laura had expected to last forever was gone. 

“I just thought-“ Carmilla stopped for a moment before restarting, “I don’t know what I thought. For some reason I thought I could fix things that weren’t even broken to begin with.” 

Laura sighed as she set her hot chocolate down on the coffee table and tucked her knees up against her chest to rest her chin on. “You really hurt me that day, Carm.”

Carmilla stared blankly at the cup in her hand. “I know.”

“I really thought you were gonna come back for me. I didn’t think you’d be gone for so long.” Laura continued slowly.

Carmilla set her own cup down and sighed, “I didn’t think I was either, but every time I turned on my phone to buy a ticket home I just couldn’t do it.”

Laura swallowed, her throat thick with all of the unshed tears that night had possessed. “Did you find what you were looking for?” 

Carmilla shook her head, “How could I?” She asked, turning to look Laura in the eye, “I was looking in the wrong place.”

Laura shook her head, “You can’t just do this.”

“Do what?” Carmilla asked.

“You waited all of this time to come back and tell me this.” She looked away from Carmilla and towards the window overlooking the street. “Twenty years is too late, Carm.” 

Carmilla nodded her head before standing to her feet and nearly stumbled into the table. “I should go.”

Laura shook her head, “You’re drunk and it’s cold out. Stay the night.” Laura said as she stood to her feet. “You can sleep on the couch and we can talk in the morning over coffee this time.”

Carmilla nodded once more as she flopped back onto the couch and slipped out of her boots. 

Laura smiled lightly at Carmilla’s Christmas socks before telling her she’d be right back with a blanket for her.

When she returned Carmilla was snoring away and beginning to drool on her own hand that was tucked beneath her cheek. Laura chuckled wetly as she laid the blanket over Carmilla’s curled up body before turning to leave, nearly breaking entirely when she heard Carmilla’s slurred whisper, “Love you, Laura.”

She really wished the circumstances could be different.

xXx

Laura rubbed her eyes as she walked out towards the living room. After a night like last night she debated going back to bed for a solid twenty minutes before actually getting up. The only reason she did was the looming memory of Carmilla falling asleep on her couch and the fact that she had to be at her dad’s house by five o’clock for Christmas dinner and present swapping with his new fiancée- Jaimee. Laura couldn’t wait for this damn holiday to be over.

Blinking away the remaining sleep from her eyes, Laura raised a brow before screwing her face up in confusion when she found her living room empty. Carmilla’s boots were gone and the blanket was folded on the arm of the couch. The mugs on the coffee table were the only proof that Carmilla had been there at all.

Feeling a rush of anger, Laura immediately went back into her room to change. Carmilla didn’t get to do this, not again. She came back here and turned her entire world upside down in the world’s biggest record of a single day. She didn’t get to just walk out again. Not until Laura had her say as well.

xXx

Carmilla made her way to her mother’s house after waking up on Laura’s couch. She lived closer to Laura than she did so she figured since she was already going to have to come here later in the day she might as well crash there.

Hearing the ominous doorbell that she had feared the majority of her childhood, she padded her way out of the living room and over to the front door to open it, immediately regretting her decision to do so. 

“I can’t believe you just left again.” Laura said as soon as she saw Carmilla standing in front of her. She ignored how cute and disgruntled she looked in her leggings and band tee and felt herself shake a bit. “You’re starting to have a track record for running out.” 

“Then why would I ever want to break it?” Carmilla asked as she leaned in the doorway with her arms crossed. 

“You stupid-“ Laura stopped herself and took a deep breath. “I’ve spent the last twenty years wishing I didn’t shut that door in your face.”

“And I spent the last twenty years thanking you for shutting that door in my face.”

“Why?” Laura asked.

“Because missing you has made me really take a second look at myself. At first I really didn’t like what I saw without you.” She cleared her throat and looked away from Laura, “But I decided that you shouldn’t like yourself just because someone else does. You should like yourself even when no one does. I learned that the hard way.”

Laura sighed, shaking her head. “You weren’t a horrible person, Carm. Sure you did some questionable things that called for questionable means, but I still loved you. I loved you for all of your morals, even the ones that were a bit botched.”

They both chuckled before Carmilla spoke again, “It wasn’t enough for me. Just like it wasn’t enough for you when said I loved you. You wanted me to stay and I left. I didn’t deserve you then. I probably still don’t.”

“You’re here now aren’t you?” Laura asked. “You came back for your mother even though your relationship with her wasn’t Hallmark worthy by any means. You pulled through, Carm. You pulled through for someone who never did the same for you and that’s something worth it.”

“What?” Carmilla asked, confused by that last part.

Laura shook her head, remembering what LaF said the night before. 

“Look Laura, we ran our course.” Carmilla said, the lump in her throat only growing with the words she was about to speak. “We only hurt each other towards the end.”

“But what about the beginning?” Laura asked. “I missed our middle, don’t leave me with a butchered ending.” She shook her head, “I’d rather have you and have you hurt me than be numb.”

Carmilla shook her head fiercely, “But I don’t want to hurt you. You can’t date someone because you’re afraid to be alone.”

“I’m not afraid to be alone, Carm. I’ve been alone for seventeen years.” She took a deep breath, “The only thing I’m afraid of is losing you again.”

Carmilla stood still, frozen. She couldn’t keep fighting this. She wanted Laura more than anything she had ever wanted in her life. Deciding her words never got her anywhere, she moved out onto the doorstep to meet Laura and raised her hand to cup the back of Laura’s neck. 

Laura pulled away, “Does your mom still have mistletoe our front of her house?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “I don’t need a plant over our heads to kiss you.”

“No but we missed our chance last night. I want to stop missing our shot.” 

“Then stop talking and let me kiss you.” Carmilla said before leaning in and pressing her lips into Laura’s, sighing when she tasted the mint on them and pulling away to lean her forehead against hers. “I moved back five years ago.” She said suddenly.

Laura’s eyes opened as she pulled away, “What?”

“I live in an apartment about five blocks from here.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Laura asked incredulous. “How did I never find out?”

Carmilla shrugged, “When you’re determined, you can do anything you don’t want to do.” She leaned back in to caress Laura’s jaw with her index finger. “Staying away from you was one of them.”

Laura pressed another kiss to Carmilla’s lips before pulling away. She tasted the same. It was like a day hadn’t passed since the last time they had done nothing but that.

“God,” Carmilla said with her eyes closed, “How did I ever let you go?”

Laura smiled lightly, “I wanted you to.” Carmilla hummed as Laura continued, “But we’re different now. We lived a life away from each other,” she waited for Carmilla’s eyes to open before she chuckled, “And now we know better.”

Carmilla grinned, “The only life I ever want to live is with you.”

Laura smiled, pressing a third kiss to Carmilla’s lips. “I love you, I never stopped.”

“Then I guess that makes two of us.” Carmilla said, pulling away to lead Laura into the house by her hand. “What miserable bastards we are, huh?”

Laura laughed loudly before following Carmilla inside and shutting the door behind them both. They were nowhere near done talking, but for now it was enough.


End file.
